It was not an easy day, so I went outside. I had extremely heavy boots. I was feeling down, so I went outside. I kicked at the rocks. I saw a bird fly overhead.
Suddenly, the feeling was too much, and I was sunk.
“WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!?” I yelled. “AHHHHHHHHHHHGKJHERRWLENFOEW!” I added.
I didn’t hear anything. A car drove by.
I went back inside.
I got back to it, whatever it was.
It happened that they were going up the hill to the cave to look for Mr. Jesus, when suddenly an angel came down and said, “What are you doing here?”
“Our friend is here,” they said. “And we’d like to be allowed inside to see him.”
“Your friend is not here,” said the angel. “You should go back into town.”
They looked into the cave, and sure enough, Mr. Jesus had flown the coop.
“Where did he go?” they asked the angel.
“Beats me,” said the angel. “But he sure did look peaceful.”
They turned around and wandered back down the hill.
“I wonder if we will see him again,” they wondered.
“Maybe someday,” they thought.
The Tarahumaras’ word for themselves, Raramuri, means “runners on foot” in their native tongue according to some early ethnographers like Norwegian Carl Lumholtz, though this interpretation has not been fully agreed upon. With widely dispersed settlements, these people developed a tradition of long-distance running for intervillage communication and transportation. The long-distance running tradition also has ceremonial and competitive aspects. Often, male runners kick wooden balls as they run in “foot throwing” competitions, and females use a stick and hoop. The foot throwing races are relays where the balls are kicked by the runners and relayed to the next runner while teammates run ahead to the next relay point. These races can last anywhere from a few hours for a short race to a couple of days without a break. The Tarahumara also practice persistence hunting, using their ability to run extremely long distances (sometimes as far as 160km) to catch animals such as deer; the animals eventually tire and slow down, and the Tarahumara get close enough to the animal to kill it.
The Tarahumara religion is a mélange of indigenous customs and Roman-Catholic Christianity, characterized by a belief that the afterlife is a mirror image of the mortal world, and that good deeds should be performed not for spiritual reward, but for the improvement of life on earth. In certain traditions (perhaps those more strongly based on pre-Columbian practice), the soul ascends a series of heavens, is reincarnated after each death, and after three lives becomes a moth on Earth which represents the final existence of the soul. When the moth dies, the soul dies completely. However, this end is not regarded as negative or a punishment, but merely as a continuation of the order of life.
In Tarahumara cosmology, God has a wife who dwells with him in heaven, along with their sons, the so-called ‘sukristo’ (from Spanish ‘Jesucristo’) and their daughters, the ‘santi’. These beings have a direct link with the physical world through Catholic iconography, respectively crucifixes and saint’s medallions. The Devil’s world is not necessarily evil, but is tainted through its ties with the ‘Chabochi’, or non-Tarahumara. The Devil is said to sometimes collaborate with God to arrange fitting punishments, and can be appeased through sacrifices. In some cases, the Devil can even be persuaded to act as a benevolent entity. The Devil and God are brothers (the Devil is the elder) who jointly created the human race. God, using pure clay, created the Tarahumara, whereas the Devil, mixing white ash with his clay, created the Chabochi. Thus, the Devil is as much protector and life-giver to the Chabochis as God is to the Tarahumara. The Tarahumara share with other Uto-Aztecan tribes a veneration for peyote, the spirits of which are said to be mischievous and capricious. Source
Last spring I visited the Roman Colosseum with my mom. We rented the audio tour to Increase our Understanding, which was the best thing we ever did. The tour told us all sorts of facts about the ancient games that used to take place in the Colosseum. “Games” is a massive misnomer.
It seems that each emperor tried hard to top his predecessors in terms of the pure outlandishment of the entertainment provided, bringing weird animals to battle each other (awesome) and even flooding the entire arena to stage naval battles (...what?).
I was really enjoying myself hearing about this history until I heard one story that I wouldn’t have believed if it was not part of the Official Audio Tour.
At some point in Roman history, a whale beached itself near a coastal town, and when the villagers found it they got extremely excited. This was the first time, it seems, that Rome had seen a whale. As word spread, the whale became a National Sensation. The organizers at the colosseum apparently decide to work the whale into the show, but the original had decayed, so they built a giant paper mache model.
Now, that (giant whale model) would be cool in and of itself (if you ask me). But the party planners of ancient Rome really wanted to Knock People’s Socks Off. So what did they do?
THEY FILLED THE WHALE WITH 50 BEARS.
That is right. 50 BEARS. What? First of all, I have no idea how they even thought of that, but once they had, how in the world did they pack the 50 bears into the giant whale?
This got me to considering what it must have been like to be the gladiator called out to face this challenge. Gladiators were usually condemned criminals, right? But if they won and won, they had the chance of getting free. So if the gladiator that day was feeling pretty well hydrated and well-rested, maybe he thought that he would have a chance to survive.
No. Such. Luck.
I have produced a dramatic recreation of this Great Moment in History, which I have linked to
Here
It is large so I can’t post it in full on the blog.
If anyone has more information about this event I would be happy to learn about it, and I would also like to know why the heck we can’t organize something similar these days? It must be those hippies at PETA…
Update!: A user on Reddit (my Internet Community (... I know. sigh.)) has pointed out several things about my account of the situation in ancient Rome that could be more true. I am going to post it all here because this entire post is about education, and I do not shy away from the Truth.
I have a hard time agreeing that the Romans’ importing hundreds of wild animals, forced to fight, kill, and be killed for entertainment is “awesome”.
Also they didn’t “flood the entire arena” for the full-scale naval battle, just the sunken stage area, whose floor had not yet been constructed. This was the first public event held a the colosseum, not part of some race to “top” the last emperor’s attempts at entertainment.
One last thing, it’s more likely Maximus would have pissed himself, not dropped a hot dookie.
-“sirormadame,” internet person. fear-induced-waste-elimination expert.
Luckily for me I am in the clear, because I am still in possession of the coolest kernel of truth ever which is that 50 bears came out of a whale for the purpose of inflicting violence upon someone. Anyway, I welcome more thoughts on this matter because the more I can learn about this, the better.
Update 2: This is also from Reddit, and is awesome:
The original meaning of “Awesome” (pre “Fast Times at Ridgemont High) is something that inspires awe or even fear. Making a fifty-bear whale piñata that you swing a sword at is pretty fucking awe-inspiring to me.
If I saw it, I might just shit myself, too.
Can you imagine if they positioned it like a piñata? “Come one, come all ... see if you can break open Monstro the giant whale”
whack
whack
“Hooray! I broke it open. Wait, whats this…”
“Oh fuck no”
That is courtesy of tsuge, braindrain, and ed19. I would write their real names if I knew them, but they may not even have real names for all I know. If you are offended by the language, then, um, I am sorry. I would bleep it, but it is not audio and therefore cannot be bleept. I will try to make my blog family friendly from now on.
“So long as you aren’t afraid to die, it’s ok. So long as you have strength, you can do it.”
[this is a Palorchestes azael] Source
If there is one thing I love, it is prehistoric megafauna. Today I was searching around for the article the witnesses gave me so that I could put up pictures, and instead I found this extremely interesting article regarding prehistoric megafauna. My favorite prehistoric megafauna is the Megatherium aka the Giant Sloth. It has fingers like shovels. It has arm bones like tree trunks. It has a face like Volkswagen. Later I will explain all about megatheriums, which are much larger and cooler than today’s ordinary theriums which are still ok but not great.
I am disappointed that the National Geographic did not use the scientific term for megafauna. “Big Beast” just sounds childish. This is not a comic book. This is real life.
My friend Adam is raising has allowed someone to raise bees on the roof of his house. I think this is crazy but he is gaining interesting information from the experience. He sent me this video regarding incredible bee math:
He does not know it yet but later I will ask him (or the mysterious beekeeper Greg) to post information about the bees.
